Okay, this was what I was planning on leading up to with my "pets" series, but couldn't fit it in all the awesome reasons as to why they're super awesome. Bearded dragons are frickin' cool, they're like the bears of the reptilian species. If you ever saw a bearded dragon, well you probably wouldn't, because they go into this super duper stealth mode whenever they see anything pass. It's not because you're danger, it's because they're waiting to attack, even though chances are, they'll be behind glass bars, they will always get out and get you.
This is a good thing, it means they love you. It's like when you (crappy) cat (oh, I didn't mention about my cats in the last posts did I? I've had two, they were both typical cats and both hate me and I might ramble on about them later on in time) brings you a cockroach or a bird, he means loves you by slaughtering other animals despite your vegetarianism and your likeliness to take this offering of love as an example of how your cat is really planning on murdering you in your sleep unless you reply to its death threats, unless of course you (for some reason) love cats and do take it as an offering of love. Just don't come crying to me when your partner, children, parents, friends and yourself are murdered in your sleep. I don't care, you gave in to cat even though you knew it was a death trap.
1) They're frickin' ninjas.
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| Ninja bearded dragons are extremely hard to draw, appreciate it or I will Defenestrate you. |
As I covered in the first paragraph, they're like the bears of the reptilian species. Bears are probably not so good at being ninjas, or maybe it's just because in your towns they're hard to spot - they're ninjas, and ninjas are hard to spot. Back to the point, these guys are stealthy (they're reptiles for goodness sake, they can't not be stealthy) and mean. They will attack you at any point just to show they care.
Who doesn't love to wake up with scratches engraved into your face to know that it's because your bearded dragon thinks that you're the best thing that has ever happened to it. I feel like crying (tears of joy) just thinking about how I wish that someday, I will have a pet that will love me as much as your beardie.
2) They're super tame (and cuddly)
Even the babies hardly bite, unless they think you're food of course, but that would be hard to do because you're not food unless they secretly do kill you in your sleep, in which case, they probably eat you too.
They're like super child friendly, yeah they won't murder your children, parents, partners or friends in their sleep because they really do love you (unless you starve it or simply don't like it - if I were a bearded dragon, I would hate you too)
It's hard to come up with something funny when you've got something nice and heart-warming to say.
3) They look adorable
I would find it really hard to say "NO." to something that cute, look into his eyes and see the ferocious "I want to kill you" look the love that he is willing to show to you by killing your family in their sleep snuggling up to you whilst doing work, watching TV or whatever you do in your spare time - I don't want to know.
I'm struggling to come up with more reasons, I had a whole load in my head earlier but I just unpacked all the boxes in my room and am now in a relatively boring mood. I might update it if I feel funnier. I apologise for the crap I wrote after my ninja paragraph.
Also, I put everything in a slightly lighter shade of grey just so you know that it's not true, because unless it's a real ferocious man-eating animal, I would never recommend a ferocious man-eating animal to you.
And to you, Blogger, I would just like to say that I hate you and your formatting that ends up putting huge spaces in between what I say and then scrunches my words up all together so it looks like I don't have any ability to write paragraphs. Grammar loves probably hate me now and it's all your fault.
Oh, and for anyone who wants to know, singing "In the Jungle" loudly (with a voice that sounds like you're busy being mauled by a bearded dragon whilst falling off a cliff and attempting to place "Snap!") wherever you walk with your family is not only a way to get them to hate you, it's also super fun and doesn't make you sound like a maniac! It's all fun and games when your mother joins in and your sister walks off in embarrassment (although secretly she enjoyed it), but when you continue to do so for the next ten minutes/half an hour, don't expect them to still love you unconditionally.
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